Thursday, July 15, 2010

Here Lately.

So a lot has been going on lately.

If you know me at all, you know I hate being emotional. Hate it. I can't stand talking about my "feelings". However, when my life has been as awesome as it's been for the past few months it's hard not to get a little worked up. Here's some of the reasons that my life is kickass.

This is Hot Pocket before she got better. She was dropped off in front of my work and we weren't sure she was going to make it.

this is Hot Pocket now. I've brought her home, and she is as close to a perfect puppy as they come.

My Family's trip to Washington DC:

The boo.
'Nuff said:

Yup, my life definitely has some high points. But, I have my bad days too. Lucky for me though, I associate with the type of people who make the bad days seem not so bad.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

magic of chemistry.

Chemistry is a funny thing, ain't it?

Let's set aside the scientific chemistry rumblings from high school and focus on just a certain type: the type of chemistry that happens when two people meet each other and just fit together. Now, I don't necessarily mean romantic relationships- it could be friendships too. You can't really be friends with someone if there isn't any chemistry there, and you definitely can't be in a relationship with someone if there's no chemistry either.

It's easy for me to look at a relationship and say "this is why I like this person" or "I value them because of this" but it is damn hard for me to be able to say "this is why they like me" or "this is why they value me". I don't mean that in a modest way or a oh-I'm-not-deserving-why-would-anyone-like-me-pity-me-party type of way. I just don't...... get it. I don't understand. How do two people meet each other, have amazingly awesome chemistry, and keep it? Forever? How are there friendship that last from 8 years old to 80 years old? How are there relationships that start in middle school (when you really don't know who the hell you are) and last until death do them part? It's just insane to think about; for me.

It's like those penguins, the ones that find their partner and stay with them forever. Us humans are so complicated with our emotions, "Do I really feel this?" "I used to love him but now..." "is this love?" "Do they care at all?". But those adorable penguins find each other and just love. That's it. They love so easily and so readily. They meet, they make it work, and they love.

I don't really want to get into the actual science stuff, because I think that takes away some of the magic of chemistry, and of love. And what's love without some magic?

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I think I started this blog for all the wrong reasons. However, it's stuck with me for all the right reasons.

Just like all the new people, existing people, and people who have left my life I've learned from my reasons. I've met people recently that have challenged who I am- in all the right ways. They make me go in to annoyingly agonizing detail about why I've made a decision, or why I think the way I think. It's hard when it's happening, but I appreciate it so much after because it's helped me more than I've thought. Just from them wanting to know about how my mind works I've been able to figure it out myself. I am so amazingly comfortable with who I am and how I got here and how my brain works that it is ridiculous.

My friends and family who have stuck by me, with me and stuck up for me are the best. I couldn't ask for a better group of people. My true friends are the ones who say "I've got your back" and they mean it and have shown it. I am so very fortunate.

I've had people leave my life because of unseen circumstances or disagreements- and thats okay. Some days its tough when a memory comes to mind that I haven't thought of in God knows how long but I am more than okay. I am at ease and am comforted by the memories more than I am hurt by them. Some people have left my life and I don't even speak to them anymore, and it's strange to see them (whether on the internet, in person, or in an old memory hidden in a box under my bed) and know that once upon a time we shared an experience.

Regardless of the people who have come and gone, I have the people who have stayed. Who have stuck it out with me when I've gone crazy, I've hit rock bottom or when I just can't take it anymore. I've been truly blessed with a "family" (family, friends, friends of friends) unlike any other and it's amazing. It's eye-opening, its an adventure and I wouldn't change any choices I've made that have brought me to this point.

Monday, May 3, 2010


A tattoo is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye. As a tattoo is grounded on living skin, so its essence emotes a poignancy unique to the mortal human condition.
- V. Vale and Andrea Juno

A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.
- Oscar Wilde

All art is but imitation of nature.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

(Sidenote: My newest tattoo, the one above, isn't done. I'm adding more birds traveling up my arm)

Thursday, April 15, 2010


There is plenty to envy about well loved pets.

I envy they're view. They are lower to the ground and they get to see so many of the beautiful things that I take for granted daily. I envy they're free spirit, they live in each moment. Sticking they're head out of the window of a moving car is enough to get them giddy. I envy they're short term memory; Thalia knows I'm upset with her one minute, and the next she's ready to just move on.

I went on a morning hike with my girl Thalia today and I was swept away by just the beauty of sound. I wasn't even in a pretty hiking area either (I mean, as far as trails go, I was in the trailer park forest complete with tires and rusty beer cans). Once I got far enough away from the road though I could actually hear.

I could hear. Just sounds. Whether it was my own breathing, my steps, rocks falling off a ledge, Thalia eating grass (and she did plenty of that), birds, something scurrying away from my sounds. I could hear. I heard the wind rush past me, swirl around me and rustle through the trees.

I saw life. Even the "weeds" had a shot at being beautiful today. The sky was bright blue, the whole forrest was bright green and even the dead leaves that covered the path made up a color palette of earthy goodness. It was so amazingly beautiful.

I even found a beautiful stray dog (who I promptly named "Scraps")- which just topped the whole day off. I was out hiking for almost 3 hours, thats how much I loved it. I felt like I reconnected with myself, and everything around me; it was a very zen moment.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

There I was...

As with any good story, or at least a dramatic one, there is a beginning... so:

There I was...

Driving home from a soccer game that took place maybe 20 minutes from my house, my car started going crazy. First, the engine light came on. Soon to follow, the battery light came on. Then (a light I didn't even know existed, nor that I had it) an exclamation light turned on. But it doesn't end there. My car gave me one last "Eff you!" and my gas light turned on.

I pulled over to the nearest gas station and phoned a friend who just happens to be a mechanic. After fiddling with my car for almost two hours we decided it was getting too dark and the tools needed were in short supply to fix my vehicle. So, we called it a night and called a tow truck. Around the time the Tow Truck Man arrived it was close to 10:30pm. After discussing that my drive way was probably too steep to park the car, we decided it was best to park it around the corner and my mechanic would work on it in the morning.

This is where the fun begins.

We found a spot to park my car no more than a block away from my house. The Tow Truck Man started to unload my car and myself and my sister (who, sidenote, just moved here) stood on the other side of the street so we were out of his way. Thats when I noticed a stranger walking up the street towards us. He was wearing a red polo, had white hair growing in the masses over his frame and resembled Santa Clause.

He started talking to us asking if it was my car, and what was going on. I sort of blew him off, "yea, my car had to get towed, blah blah" and went about my own business. He turned towards the tow truck and thats when I saw it, and it played out like a scary movie.

In the gleam of the street lights I saw that he was carrying a knife in his hand. I confirmed that what I saw was indeed a knife with my sister, put my arm around her to guard her (she's a toothpick, I figured if I got stabbed at least I wouldn't bleed out as fast as she would) and we quickly went to the Tow Truck Man and told him what we saw. He told us to get in the truck quickly as the man with the knife started walking over to us and the Tow Truck Man. My sister and I jump into the tow truck as quickly as possible (um, are those things high enough?!) and locked the doors.

The Santa Clause man started to harass our tow truck driver. "Leave the car, I didn't stutter, leave the fucking car". Luckily, the car still had not been removed from the truck so our Tow Truck Man was able to lift the car back on to the dock. He then quickly got into the truck.

As we were getting ready to drive away, the Santa Clause man came over to my side of the car (I was closest to the window). I held down the lock on the door like I was holding on to the edge of a cliff. We started to pull away and the Santa Clause man rushed to my side of the vehicle and slashed the front tire. We kept driving to get away, and stopped at the end of the street. The Tow Truck Man called the police.

When they showed up, after a stop at the local quicktrip (yes, that's fact), they told us to go back to where we were unloading the car and act like we were doing it again. Basically, we were to act like bait for crazy Santa Clause man.

He never showed up again, and thanks to the police blocking off traffic we were able to park in my driveway.

Had my sister or I not seen the knife in this guys hand, or if we hadn't thought to get away from this stranger myself, my sister, or our Tow Truck Man could very well have been seriously hurt or even dead.

It's a scary thought. It was a scary moment. And it is a scary reality.